


Breathe in, breathe out

by MadImpossibleJ



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 17:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1991727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadImpossibleJ/pseuds/MadImpossibleJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jem has a nightmare and ends up finding a friend in Simon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe in, breathe out

Simon couldn't sleep sometimes. He was very used to wake up in the middle of the night and think about anything until he slept again. Sometimes it worked, but sometimes the thoughts would overwhelm him and he had to walk around a little bit to calm his mind down.

That night, though, his mind was particularly calm. It was always like this when he was around Kieren, and he thanked - God, the destiny, whatever; it didn't really matter - everyday that he found that beautiful boy. He lowered his eyes to look at Kieren and admired how peaceful he looked when he was sleep. Simon ran his fingers through Kieren’s golden hair and cursed his PDS for a little bit because there was nothing he wanted more than to know how his hair and skin felt to the touch.

He was so focused on Kieren that he almost didn't hear the crying sounds coming from another room. _Jem_ , he immediately thought. Simon was aware of her PTSD - Kieren had told him once very briefly; he understood that it was a delicate subject so he just nodded and didn't ask any further questions - and the constant nightmares. He felt like he should help, but he had no idea how. How could someone so fucked up as him help someone?

He had to do something, though. If his time with the ULA had taught him anything it was that no one deserved to ever suffer alone. As quietly as he managed to, he got up, left Kieren's room and tip-toed to Jem's.

He stopped at the door and held the doorknob hesitantly. Jem and him weren't really close - they respected each other, even talked every once in a while, but they weren't exactly friends - and he wasn't really sure if she'd accept any kind of help coming from him. But the cries and the desperate "no, no, no" coming from her swept his doubts away. She sounded in pain and he could do something, so he would.

Simon opened the door in silence and as soon as he glanced at the girl trapped in the war inside her head he felt a lump in his throat. She was clearly sweating and there was a clear pain in her face; the blankets were all messed as well as her hair; her crying filled the room and it made Simon terribly sad.

He walked up to her bed and knelt by her side. Very softly, he touched her arm and with the gentlest voice he could, he called her out of it. It took a few seconds later for her to stop crying and another few to open her eyes.

Simon was ready to come up with an explanation to why he was there when she held his arms tightly and looked at him with a completely terrified expression on her face.

"Hey, hey, you're okay" he whispered softly. Jem swallowed hard and looked as if she wanted to say something but didn't manage to. Her hands were shaking terribly bad and she tried to hold back a sob.

Hesitantly, Simon pulled her close against his chest and hugged her until she calmed down. When she finally did, she pulled him away looking kind of embarrassed. Simon couldn't deny he was a little bit embarrassed himself. He had already noticed how much she hated people to see her fragility - and he could relate to that on a very deep level - and what happened there between them was the complete destruction of that thing she tried so hard to build.

Looking away from him, she sat and hugged her knees. Simon thought that was his cue to leave and got up to go back to Kieren's room.

"Why are you here?" she asked before Simon got to the door. It probably came out ruder than she intended to because she tried to explain herself right after. "No, I mean... you didn't have to. We're not even friends."

Simon didn't know what to answer. He turned around and met her curious eyes looking at him. "I heard you crying. You sounded in pain."

Jem bit her inner lip and nodded. She seemed to want to say something, but didn't find any words. "I’m sorry" she said then. Simon frowned at her.

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“You’re gonna think I’m weak” she explained with a certain anger in her voice. An anger that, Simon realized, was not towards him but herself instead. “I don’t want people thinking I’m weak.”

Simon smiled sadly at that. He used to see that girl walking around the house, always looking like nothing bothered her and trying to show no fragility whatsoever and he felt so distant from her, he felt they were so different. But now when he heard her sound so sad, when he glanced a little bit beyond of the toughness she tried to put on every day, he felt connected with that young girl in a way. He knew what it felt, to be so terribly sad that you think that everyone will see how broken you are and pity you for that and how unbearable that feeling was.

“I don’t think you’re weak.” He could see the relief in her eyes when he said that. “You’re scared now, I get that. But you’re gonna be okay. I know you will.”

“How?”

Simon didn’t know how to answer this. He’d been in a bad shape before, when he was alive, but he never quite got out of it. He’d lived his entire life feeling like the world was crushing him down and he had to fight this feeling alone. No one ever offered him help; no one ever did anything for him. He had spent the entirety of his life going day after day trying to breathe through broken glass and he had no idea what it was to be okay or to get better anyhow. He would constantly have awful breakdowns that made him honestly think that he wouldn’t survive and there was nothing he could do to stop that except taking as many pills as it was humanly possible. He didn’t know the first thing to say to her, but he did know he wanted her to not be like him.

“Breathe in. Breathe out” he shrugged and tried to give her a comforting smile. “It helps sometimes.”

“That is a terrible advice” she commented, but she wasn’t mad; the light, but sad, smile on her face made it very clear. They both laughed shortly at the situation. “Thank you, Simon” she said then, the smile leaving her lips.

“Sure, kiddo” he said under his breath and finally left for Kieren’s room.

He wasn’t sure of what happened in that room, he didn’t know if Jem’s attitude towards him would change or if even his reaction to her would be different from now on, but on that moment, when he walked quietly back to his boyfriend’s room, he made a deal with himself: he’d do anything in his power to help that girl with whatever she needed. She deserved it. She deserved to be okay. And he would help.

  

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thanks to anyone who read this! And leave kudos if you liked, they're always nice :)  
> Anyway, I've had this idea for some time now and I just needed to write it because I just have this idea that Simon and Jem would be great friends to each other. Jem needs a friend (as in someone who's not from her family) and I think that Simon would just get her and her struggle perfectly (and I so so so so need to see that happen in canon omg).


End file.
